OUT OF AFRICA

The worst job in the world?

Wanted: Business genius with a high tolerance for cyanide, company car and free torch batteries provided.

Guess who is on the hunt for a new CEO after a fatuous cabinet minister drove the last one out with fatuous accusations of treason. Eskom are advertising the job, possible the biggest poisoned chalice (pardon the pun), in the world. Whoever is brave enough to make a bid had also better have a high tolerance for vitriol seeing as President Ramaphosa shows no signs of firing Energy Minister Gwede Mantashe for a childish outburst that went close to being criminal libel.

Who is likely to apply? Well. Given the ANC’s current lack of funds with an election looming, a few fly guys might see it as a chance to ingratiate themselves for life. Otherwise we need a cross between Atilla the Hun, the Pope and Albert Einstein. A hatred for all things green and a tolerance to coal dust in his lungs might also be a blessing.

The worst Police Minister in the world?

Another promising young life snuffed out by gang violence, this time in Durban’s Wentworth. No doubt to be followed by our redoubtable Minister of Police huffing and puffing like  rogue Chinese hot air balloon and promising immediate action. Then he will get back to his REAL work, making sure all his pals get promoted to high places whether they are competent our not.

No wonder policing expert Dr Johann Burger has warned South Africa could become a mass murder hot spot like Mexico or Colombia. If you live on the Cape Flats, you probably think it has happened already. If you live in a Bryntirion mansion like Bheke Cele you probably don’t think about it at all. Or so it seems.

This Blog’s investigative journalism award goes to…

While corruption and murder stalk the land Business Insider has made a startling discovery – the claw machines popular in every amusement arcade are RIGGED.

They have mechanism that enables operators to ensure not too many people are able to grab a teddy bear for their admiring youngsters and it is being used to ensure operators make a PROFIT.

Well who would have thought it. And congratulations to all those dedicated journalist who spent countless hours disguised as fruit machines as they watched those fiendish operators rigging the odds. Now maybe they can drop the disguise and expose some of the real ills of this wicked old world.

January 3

Decision time for Malema

There is probably no bigger threat to South Africa’s democracy than the ever-increasing efforts of the mob to browbeat courts into doing its will. It began with Zuma’s rape trial and has grown worse with the latest version being a “protest” demanding the Magistrate in the Malema firearms trial recuse herself.

It is of course a classic fascist tactic, originally perfected by Hitler’s thugs as they sought to control Germany. It needs to be stopped and I for one would stand up and cheer if the police went in with full force to break these mobs up. I would also salute legislation which banned demonstrations within a kilometer of any court.

Meanwhile the Commander in Chief of the Economic Freedom Fighters can call his mob off immediately – if he wishes. He would do well to do so because, with an election looming next year, it is time he stood up and showed the country whether he wants to be viewed as a political leader or a mere gang boss.

South African voters treasure their democracy and will not be impressed by someone who thinks he can stand up and shout whenever he doesn’t get his way - as he did during yesterday’s hearing.

Reporters without gumption

Bit close to home but there was a nasty riot in Centurion yesterday when land invaders attacked householders in London Lane. Walls were destroyed, an attempt was made to burn down one of the cottages in the complex where I lived until recently and a thatched house was set on fire.

How do I know? Through Facebook messages because neither News 24 nor the Pretoria News section of IOL had a line about it despite a busy road having to be closed.

All part of the trend in the industry to ignore any news that isn’t served up as a digital Press release thereby saving reporters from having to drag themselves away from the coffee machine.

Are we just useful idiots?

Petro SA is desperately looking for a partner that can provide oil to enable it to restart its Mossel Bay refinery. Strange, we had a possible partner here the other day in the form of Russian Foreign Minister Zergei Lavrov, who was greeted with great enthusiasm by his South African opposite number Naledi Pandor.

Russia has been lavishing cheap oil on its other Brics supporter India but it seems it has none for us – unless Naledi was so star struck she forgot to ask. Or is it just that Russia regards us as the useful idiots Karl Marx spoke of. Thanks for the support but don’t bother us.

January 2

Spurred into action

SA Tourism’s proposed R1billion sponsorship deal with English Premier League side Tottenham Hotspurs has oppositions parties jumping up and down. So incensed is the DA that it is sending a team to Spurs to find out what is going on.

Wrong destination guys. Be a lot cheaper to fly to Rwanda. Rwanda sponsors Arsenal, top of the league, for $39 million and is about to sign a deal to sponsor PSG ladies team and gain stadium branding for another $11 million.

Rwanda is amongst Africa’s more prosperous nations despite a gruesome past and should be able to provide some solid evidence as to whether this sort of advertising works. Admittedly Arsenal are top dogs but they don’t get much more TV coverage than Spurs so this plan should be analysed and not buried by “not invented here” political hacks.

At least they ain’t sponsoring Bafana Bafana.

Malema jumps on the gravy train

The latest fashion amongst accused South Africans is to scream and shout and demand someone or other recuses themselves – and brother Julius, never one to be left behind, has used this ploy in demanding magistrate Twannet Olivier recuse herself from his firearms case, because she asked a witness questions to get clarity.

Whether his whinge is valid is up to Ms Olivier, but what struck me was the blaring headline Times Live put up: “EFF supports Malema’s application for recusal of Magistrate in firearms case.”

Someone at TL has forgotten the old saw – dog bites man is NOT news, man bites dog IS news. The fact that the EFF would happily support JuJu if he claimed to be the second coming falls in the dog bites man category.

Nothing to complain about

Namibia’s President Hage Geingob told the recent SADC meeting that Cyril Ramaphosa sometimes took as much as two days to reply to his messages and questions,

What’s your problem mate? Uncle Cyril takes a lot longer than that to answer the ordinary South African’s questions - such as what really happened at PhalaPhala and why does he keep a clueless Minister of police?

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